Fool
by liltrick89
Summary: To her machines were to be toyed with. I don’t think it ever occurred to her what would happen when she left me. After she made a fool out of me." Fifth reflects on his one-sided relationship with Major Carter.


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Fool

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Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1. Wish I did, but I don't.

Dedication: My little brother Ben who is obsessed with the series.

* * *

She left me.

She lied to me.

She made a fool of me.

Couldn't she see how much I loved her?

Couldn't she see how much it meant that I loved her?

True, Replicators were the next step in technology. We were humans essentially. Living things that could think freely. But not feel, none of us can feel.

Except me. I am an error in evolution; I am too human for my own good. And she realized that and used it against me. It is my human-like nature that allowed me to love. A love that she did not reciprocate. She made me suspect she did through her conversation and looks, but it was all a lie. Her friendship with me existed up unto the point of her decision to do the despicable.

She left me.

She made a fool of me.

And yet, I can't seem to get her out of my mind with her fine, blond hair that was cut short around her face. Her smile haunts me, although I mostly saw her with a firm line for a mouth. She fills my thoughts, sometimes appearing as an angel that she seemed to be when we first met, other times as a demon that she was revealed to be.

I often think back to the day of her departure. I try to think of a different ending, one in which I escape with her. But Replicator, even those with errors such as I, seem incapable of dwelling on might-have-beens. Or perhaps the possibility of a happy ending for her and myself is, in fact, completely illogical. I often have trouble with illogical thoughts. So all I have to think on are memories. And memories consist of few pure moments. Most are tainted now; with the knowledge of what would came later.

She once told me that it was not I who was full of errors; it was the rest of my race. However long since I have come to the decision that that too was a lie. Feelings are illogical. So in order to be a logical being, feelings ought to be vacant. And a perfect being is logical, like the rest of my race.

But I do not think I would ever want the error resolved. As painful as feelings are, mine for her are powerful, be they happy or sad. Be they reciprocated or not.

For who could really love a Replicator?

Certainly not Major Carter, she even stated so the last time we met. To her machines were to be toyed with. I don't think it ever occurred to her what would happen when she left me. After she made a fool out of me.

I was nothing but a piece in her plan, a tool. After al, I was a machine and machines are truly incapable of such feelings as love. How she could think that after my earlier actions which proved the very idea contrary?

She probably forgot about me up unto the point of our last meeting. After all, how could I, a mere being called "Fifth" ever dream to be retained in the memory of a goddess? But I did not forget her, quite the opposite.

And when I saw her next I made sure she would realize what she put me through. I could barely contain myself as I poured in image after image of the worst horrors I could remember… so eager was I to inflict pain on her, as if lashing out at her would dissolve my anger.

In all actuality I had no intention to leave her alive. I declared I wasn't at the point in my evolution in which I could feel compassion. But I was wrong, and as soon as she began to cry as she thought of the torture coming I began to feel that emotion. Compassion.

It became my downfall, that feeling. It was the one thing that brought me to free her from the 'prison' I had built for her. I shouldn't have, as I am sure that after a time she would come to love me. Surely a feeling as strong as mine for Major Carter had to be reciprocated eventually. But, as I set her free I found a new reason to hope.

Her Replica was finished and I was thrilled.

A human being may never love a machine.

But a Replicator could grow to love another of its kind.

And that is my hope, that I may, metaphorically speaking, hold the heart of her replica, as she holds mine.

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--fin


End file.
